Kidlet also had a nice weekend - interacting with her peers. Saturday, she and a girlfriend went to see a movie together, and hung out at the shopping center, eating ice cream. Everything went very well - and that's rare but nice. Sunday, she hung out with her cousin, who is also a friend. I was there for that, but they had a good time laughing and goofing. We went shopping and ate Chinese for lunch.

I had a nice weekend, because stupid ex-husband didn't call to bother me one time. Woo Hoo! Until, of course, today...

I had a bit of an epiphany in the wee hours the other morning. This was after asshole had called - again - and verbally attacked me on Thursday - leaving me pretty much of a wreck. I'm not used to doing battle with him any more. It's been 7 years since we've had a cross word between us. Who knew he carried all this shit around with him?

At any rate, I realized, with a start, that my former husband is not only an a-hole extraordinaire - he's an emotionally and verbally abusive a-hole. When we were married, I couldn't see his technique for what it was. Only after putting this much distance between us, can I watch the little fart work. See, first he starts out all nicey-nice. Then, after he gains my confidence, he starts the "scatter-gun" approach to the assault. He begins with untrue statements and accusations. Doesn't matter who or what, just get them out there. While I'm trying to make sense of what is being said to me - or to counter utter lies - he begins the insults portion of the episode. He drags stuff up, stuff only somebody who has been intimately involved with me would know, and brings them up in order to further weaken me - This continues until I hang up the phone, a complete mess. Oh, he loves this shit. He's probably got the only boner he's had in years, after one of his famous phone calls! And of course, like a physically violent person - he would never behave like that in front of a stranger! Hell no! Butter wouldn't melt in his mouth about me...

Knowing this. Really knowing this - I feel empowered by it. My job is to not engage him. Don't let him start in - don't play along any more.

Today, he calls up. Nicey-nice. Wants to know how our daughter is doing. Wants to know if her medication is working. Then, for some reason, he wants to know if we're addressing her ADHD (hmmmm... this is going somewhere, I can tell). I answer him with "yes" or "no" as much as I can. Next question is "Is she still angry with me?" I say "yes". So he asks "What is she angry about this time?". Nope. Not gonna play! I told him to ask her tomorrow night when he came to counseling. He then told me he would like to see her and take her places again. Again, I told him to speak with her tomorrow, and that I was out of the loop. Not having too much fun, he started in with "You know, she just needs to know that I'm the father, and that we're not equals in this relationship - don't you agree?. At which point, I politely told him I had to get off the phone, and hung up.

Of course, my heart was pounding, but I did it, and he didn't call me back. This will probably get more difficult before it gets better, as he'll try to get my goat in cleverer ways. But I figure, as long as I'm onto him - and keep our communication to a minimum - in time he'll either give up on me, or start abusing his bride instead...

My job is to live through this, so I can take care of my child. If I die - she'll be left with him. So, I'm not going to die just yet, and the stress of having to deal with him is not going to kill me, either!

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On a much more pleasant note - Season 3 of Queer As Folk has begun. Yay! The premiere was kinda boring, but it sure beat watching the DVD over and over and over again. I just hope the writers manage to get past Brian loves Justin/Justin loves Brian. Patoooey! I'm waiting for some Debbie loves Horvath/Horvath loves Debbie, myself. (Just Kidding!)

March 03, 2003