I needed something to make the chronic depression and anger go away. We did try a lot of things to make the marriage work - we really did. And, we got so good at doing couples counseling, we could just go into a new therapist's office and start our routine - by heart! But, he resented me for standing up to him, and "ruining his life" by having a child he would have just as soon not have had, and I resented him for being the selfish a-hole that he is

It was just a bad marriage.

So, I decided to go back to college, to become a fancy, drug/alcohol counselor. I went to a very prestigious school, and got the best grades! It got me out of the house a couple nights a week. I was such a good student, my self esteem climbed. After school was over, I went to work counseling, and that was good for me too. I could DO something. I could be helpful to others. But, I still felt unloveable, unattractive, unfulfilled.

Then, I found myself in that danger zone like so many of us do. I met HIM. He pushed that button in me, and, it was on. I couldn't hear anything my friends told me, I couldn't see the future, and I couldn't say no. I was as near insane as I ever hope to be.

I left that husband, and I found myself an apartment, and that was bloody well it.

Of course, the big love affair fell apart - as they always do. My husband met his current wife just 9 days after I moved out, so he's happy - and we both dote on our child. It did become okay.

I've lived through an insane midlife crisis. And, to the outside world, it looked like I was throwing away "everything" - but, things are not always the way they appear, are they?


July 10, 2001

Buh Bye!
October 05, 2008

Be Afraid, People.... Really Afraid
September 01, 2008

One Last Bitchfest for the Road
August 24, 2008

Get the Popcorn Ready
July 17, 2008

I'm a Rich Ho-Bag
June 20, 2008

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Marriage is love.

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