I am so busy I don't have time to pee. Yet, here I am, taking a break, writing in my diary. This calms me down, and alleviates some stress. I guess you could say that Diaryland is life-saving.

I took back the Holter Monitor I wore all day and all night. I don't think my heart skipped any beats at all. Maybe a little something around 4:30 this morning, but, one of the leads slipped about 2 inches, so maybe the whole test was for nothing. Try telling a 47 year old woman not to perspire...

I have come to the conclusion that my heart palpitations are part of the larger picture of how I deal with stress. I don't process it correctly. I internalize things. I eat. I become depressed. Is this self-hatred or plain laziness?

I'm glad I quite the NaNoWriMo contest. I know, I know, I was all on the bandwagon about it. Sounded like fun, but, it wasn't that much fun for me. Probably the scary deadline. My life is full of deadlines. Gotta get the Kidlet to school before 8:09 deadline. Gotta get to work by 8:30 deadline. Gotta make FedEx by 3:30 deadline. Gotta get my bosses mail out by Thursday deadline. Gotta do the catalog reviews deadline. Gotta process the Premium orders deadline. Gotta process the Premium payments deadline. Gotta process flyers and catalog credit memos deadline. Fucking deadlines. Don't want another one, thank you. I do have the novel in me. I just think I'll enjoy the writing process if there's no deadline involved.

I had to cut my mother's toenails last night. She's old, and too fat to get to her own feet. She's got a problem foot, and her doctor(s) can't seem to fix it. It's disgusting to look at. Her foot is all swollen, and around the bottom, it's kinda squished in. Ugh. She's so non-confrontational - oh, you wouldn't believe the stories - she won't demand that these two yahoo's figure out what's wrong with her. If I have a quality that I despise, it's the small bit of fear of confrontation that I seem to have inherited from my mother. I hate myself when I feel spineless.

On a lighter note, I'm becoming less and less enchanted with "Angel". Without real, strong influence by Joss Whedon, the show is just empty and soul-less. And, who is that Fred girl, and what is her purpose? To make stupid remarks and do math? Where is the interplay between the characters that makes Buffy so good? It seems like they are stooping to reach the "Charmed" audience. Bleh!

Guess that wasn't such a light note afterall.

Congratulations eloi! on baby Max's imminent arrival! Woo Hoo!


November 13, 2001

Buh Bye!
October 05, 2008

Be Afraid, People.... Really Afraid
September 01, 2008

One Last Bitchfest for the Road
August 24, 2008

Get the Popcorn Ready
July 17, 2008

I'm a Rich Ho-Bag
June 20, 2008

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Marriage is love.

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