I awoke at 3 a.m. with the worst case of free-floating anxiety. I haven't had that in a while. It's like, I can see that my life is okay, but I can't feel it. I can recite my blessings, but I can't hear them.

At 3 a.m., I was absolutely certain that I have some sort of fatal disease, and I won't live to see my kidlet off to adulthood. No matter that I feel completely fine and healthy. I know, at 3 a.m. that there is a silent, growing cancer somewhere inside. That pain in my left breast perhaps. The huge fatty tumor on my leg - misdiagnosed??? I just hate anxiety...

I guess it started with my ordering up the digital cable. How ridiculous is that? I reacted to it, as if I went out and purchased a new car! Jeez...

That same night, my sponsee, who works at my company in the accounting department, told me that we're in even worse financial shape than I thought... Automatically, my head went to the place where I was unemployed, evicted from my apartment, bankrupt...

I have to stop doing this. I need to find a way to remind myself that everything in my world is exactly the way it is supposed to be. Whatever changes occur, or DON'T occur, are all steps on my path. Those steps are being directed by something much greater than me, and that something knows exactly where I need to be next.

My job is simple. Take the steps, and DON'T PANIC!!!


On a much more exciting note - It Happened... The thing I have been dreaming of... (no. didn't get laid) - BETTER than that... I was pre-approved - guaranteed even - for a TITANIUM Master Card!!! Now, I have all the metals in my collection. I won't USE the thing of course - I haven't cracked the Platinum one yet. I just want to hold it in my hands, and caress it lovingly... Ahhh. Plastic. Sweet, sweet plastic. You and I could really go places together.


December 19, 2001

Buh Bye!
October 05, 2008

Be Afraid, People.... Really Afraid
September 01, 2008

One Last Bitchfest for the Road
August 24, 2008

Get the Popcorn Ready
July 17, 2008

I'm a Rich Ho-Bag
June 20, 2008

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