|DIARY OF AN URBAN MILKMAID|
|Tired. Too little sleep last night. I got used to staying up until 2 and sleeping till 10. Damn, that's a good life.
Back to work. I bitch and complain, but it is good to have a job. It's good to get a paycheck so I can live here, and bring my child up in a beautiful and safe area of the world. I have become addicted to "The Wire" on HBO. What a great show. I swear, I get lost in it for the entire hour. It's written so well, that I find myself caring for all the characters, even the dope dealers... One of them, a kid, is a nasty dope dealer, but is also responsible for his 5 younger siblings. He has to get the entire family up, pack their lunches and get them off to school - with no parents - no help. There are too many people who have it really bad. Too many for me to be complaining about having to go to work this morning...
I will complain however - because this weekend, I was fortunate enough to get a really good look at how I got so fucked up. Without going into the humiliating details, I noted, and it was validated by my daughter, that my mother is one evil woman - to me. If this is what I grew up with. If this is how I was nurtured and parented - Jesus!
My job now, is to listen to the voice in my head that tells me I am less-than. Listen when it tells me I will fail. Listen when it mocks my attempts or my accomplishments. I'm my parent now - even at this advanced age. I know my worth. I have lived with me all these years. I know what I need to hear, and it's not the twisted and manipulative voice of some old lady... Every time I hear that old lady's voice, I need to speak louder than she does. I am worthwile. I do deserve the best. I can - and do - good work. (I feel like Stuart Smalley - "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it - people like me!")
I got a new book on HTML. I have decided that I can do my own layout for this page. Be expecting changes!
"Life Not Worth Living If You Not Take Risk" Brian, QAF
|Buh Bye! |
October 05, 2008
Be Afraid, People.... Really Afraid
One Last Bitchfest for the Road
Get the Popcorn Ready
I'm a Rich Ho-Bag
|Marriage is love.|