Back to work. I bitch and complain, but it is good to have a job. It's good to get a paycheck so I can live here, and bring my child up in a beautiful and safe area of the world. I have become addicted to "The Wire" on HBO. What a great show. I swear, I get lost in it for the entire hour. It's written so well, that I find myself caring for all the characters, even the dope dealers... One of them, a kid, is a nasty dope dealer, but is also responsible for his 5 younger siblings. He has to get the entire family up, pack their lunches and get them off to school - with no parents - no help. There are too many people who have it really bad. Too many for me to be complaining about having to go to work this morning...

I will complain however - because this weekend, I was fortunate enough to get a really good look at how I got so fucked up. Without going into the humiliating details, I noted, and it was validated by my daughter, that my mother is one evil woman - to me. If this is what I grew up with. If this is how I was nurtured and parented - Jesus!

My job now, is to listen to the voice in my head that tells me I am less-than. Listen when it tells me I will fail. Listen when it mocks my attempts or my accomplishments. I'm my parent now - even at this advanced age. I know my worth. I have lived with me all these years. I know what I need to hear, and it's not the twisted and manipulative voice of some old lady... Every time I hear that old lady's voice, I need to speak louder than she does. I am worthwile. I do deserve the best. I can - and do - good work. (I feel like Stuart Smalley - "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it - people like me!")

***************************************

I got a new book on HTML. I have decided that I can do my own layout for this page. Be expecting changes!

Happy Monday!

"Life Not Worth Living If You Not Take Risk" Brian, QAF

July 08, 2002

Be Afraid, People.... Really Afraid
September 01, 2008

One Last Bitchfest for the Road
August 24, 2008

Get the Popcorn Ready
July 17, 2008

I'm a Rich Ho-Bag
June 20, 2008