Yeah. He wanted to bring her back.

Seems he can't quite wrap his head around the idea that she has opinions of her own. And wants. And needs. He can't seem to stop himself from arguing politics with a 15 year old girl. He likes to believe that a person with a clinical depression and obsessive compulsive disorder - one who takes not one, but two medications for their condition - shouldn't just "try" to be happy and not see the world as a rotting cesspool...

When they returned to my home, we sat down (he and I - the kidlet was in her room, crying). I explained to him that just for now, just until things begin to improve, maybe he should try and keep their times together light and relaxed. Maybe a little bit more supportive, and a little bit less a lecture on conservative politics.

He did the same fucking thing he did when I was married to him and I found myself wanting to smash my fist into his face - He listened to me talk, and twisted up his nasty mouth, and I could tell he didn't believe me, and was NEVER going to change one iota. He said "Well, at least NOW, I know what's wrong with her" (You know, like I haven't already discussed her condition with him about 15 times - at great length). He wants to make all of his stupid faults - my fault for not telling him - Grrrrrr! I reminded him that we'd already discussed her condition, and that NOBODY HAD STOPPED HIM FROM LEARNING ABOUT IT ON HIS OWN... I think that's really cool, considering my nearly overwhelming urge to hurt him - don't you?

At any rate, he finally left. I comforted my hysterical child - who totally blames herself for her condition, and really, really dislikes her dad right now. We went to the pet store, and filled out an adoption application for the ugliest dog I've ever seen... Fuck! I hope we don't pass muster. What was I thinking??? A Dog??

After dinner, I think it will be good to put on pj's and watch movies under quilts. I'll clean and do laundry tomorrow.

February 22, 2003