She's not going to the retirement center. She's going to remain living on her own, in a one-bedroom apartment. She and my brother (who is taking her to her doctor's appointments on Thursday) will be checking out a nice, ground-level apartment in my neighborhood. We're ordering up one of those emergency alert necklace thingy's for her, in case she falls over again.

It's what she wants. It's her life. Can't argue there.

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Also got my "Declaration" to correct and sign from the lawyer. Also signed permission slips for the psychiatrist and psychologist to give information and their own Declarations to the lawyer. Also had to call to get new psycholgist for kidlet, because the group we signed on to, hasn't come up with a doctor for her to visit in a month. Kidlet needs some counseling...

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I think sometimes that I don't write how I'm feeling in this diary anymore. Just updates about happenings.

How am I feeling? FUCKING OVERWHELMED, THAT'S HOW! And it's only Tuesday... All this stuff. The mom, the kidlet, the ex-fuckhead - the dog that I like very much, but still have to walk at lunch every day - no matter how many lunches out with the girls I miss - is very stressful. And I feel guilty that I seem to require "quiet time" and I feel stupid because I am forgetting small things - like to pay my car insurance bill - or to get my car smogged and registered in a timely manner. I'm stessing out. Cracking up? I hope not. I am having trouble remembering when my life wasn't this jumbled and crazy.

I want to chuck it all, and move to fucking Samoa, where nobody will ever think of looking for me. I'll wear a muu-muu, and a flower behind my ear. I'll have some island boy paddle me around in a canoe. I'll eat fried foods and get really, really fat, and the local people will worship me as their blonde goddess...

May 06, 2003