I've outdone myself in the "Coolest Mom Ever" department...

We hit "Guitar Center" big time. (After doing a quick scan of the place in case her dad was lurking about). Kidlet sat down and tried her very first electric guitar with amp. She was making the big, ugly noise and being surrounded young, twenty-something men - all wanting to help her learn to play the guitar...

There was a "blow-out" sale going on, so I secretly purchased a Les Paul Jr. guitar (black, of course) and a little amp. Total bill: $149!

Her 16th birthday is next week. Yeah! I RAWK!

Of course, I couldn't let her wait all week, and fret and try to guilt me into buying it for her. I confessed right away that I'd bought it.

She's in her room right now, rocking out.

Go me!


Oh yeah. I've decided it's time.

Time to take the bull by the horns, so to speak. Time to get some control over my ass...

Do you know that before I got this fat, I had a wonderful ass? I did! The words "incredible" and "amazing" were bandied about... Now, I suppose "huge" and "jiggly" might be more truthful.

Well, I'm on the "FUCK YOU!" diet plan now.

Fuck YOU, to all the Twinkies, and Cadbury bars!

Fuck YOU, to sitting on my huge, fat ass watching SoapNet till all hours!

Fuck YOU, to happily married fat ladies wearing fatl lady shorts!

Fuck YOU, to all the men I've dated who were abusive assholes, that made me decide eating was better than trying again!

And Fuck YOU, to me - who has been such a mealy mouthed chicken shit for nearly four years! How dare I take the easy, cookie laden path! I'm smart! I'm funny! I'm actually quite good looking underneath all this padding, and I'm fuckable as hell...

So, that's it then. I'm going to concentrate my energies into fixing this mess I've created, and then, WATCH OUT, because if it's warm and breathing - there's a very good chance I'll be FUCKING it!

August 09, 2003

Buh Bye!
October 05, 2008

Be Afraid, People.... Really Afraid
September 01, 2008

One Last Bitchfest for the Road
August 24, 2008

Get the Popcorn Ready
July 17, 2008

I'm a Rich Ho-Bag
June 20, 2008

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