So, I'm driving home the other night, during rush-hour traffic - near the shopping mall - two weeks before Christmas.

I'm travelling through about the busiest intersection in our fair town.

Half way through, my car quits. Just.stops.running...

I'm in the left lane and the cars are backing up behind me. My car won't start. Oh sure, it tries to turn over, but won't.

I whip out my cell phone and call the Auto Club. While I'm giving the dispatcher my coordinates, a motor-cycle cop pulls up behind me and wants to know what I think I'm doing, sitting there in a very busy intersection, next to the mall, at rush hour, two weeks before Christmas...

So, he pushes me across the street and leaves me - directly in the path of the cars turning right onto the boulevard. He says I'll be fine and someone will be there shortly to push me to safety.

Let me assure you, that you haven't the foggiest how big an SUV is - until it's barrelling down on you, sitting in the dark in your Geo Metro...

A couple of adorable cops show up to push me into the big parking lot, and they abandon me - my car in the red zone, as I await the Auto Club tow truck. In the cold. And wind.

My mind went directly to the worst case scenerio. Of course, I reckon. It's got to be the timing belt. The engine is shot. I'm going to have to bargain with Cal Worthington for a good deal on a used Fiesta. That, or I'll have to replace the engine - thereby depleting my savings account and plunging me and the kid into abject poverty.

Tow truck driver shows up and asks me to pop the hood so's he can have a look. He's all "I see the problem". I'm all "Whaaaaat?!?" He's all "I can't tell you."

He then launches into a bunch of stories about his friend the great and cheap mechanic, and how my mechanic probably overcharged me for the tune up I had recently. Blah blah blah.

Finally. He reaches into the engine and instructs me to start the car. You know, like Jesus and Lazarus. Geo starts right up.

He says. "The next time you have a tune up, you should tell the mechanic to attach, the spark plug wires correctly".

What a night...

December 13, 2003

Buh Bye!
October 05, 2008

Be Afraid, People.... Really Afraid
September 01, 2008

One Last Bitchfest for the Road
August 24, 2008

Get the Popcorn Ready
July 17, 2008

I'm a Rich Ho-Bag
June 20, 2008

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