I suspect the General will have something to say very soon.

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My doctor says I might not have an ulcer after all. She says I could just have such bad GERD that my gut is just really, really sore. I'm supposed to either double my Zantac75, or try Prilosec for a couple of weeks. Now, the Zantac works like a charm. No side effects or anything. However, it doesn't "heal" any ulcers like Prilosec does. But the prilosec could give me headaches or unpleasant gastro-symptoms. Decisions, decision...

She did a blood test for H.Pylori bacteria. Don't know the results yet. I'm also supposed to get an endoscopy. Look. One reason I don't miss dating men, is frankly, I never really enjoyed having anything shoved down my throat. Though I suppose I could insist the endoscopy doctor buy me dinner first.

My doctor says while I'm being endoscopied, I should go ahead and have a colonoscopy done. Yeah. Like I'm going to willingly submit to being skewered like a shish-kabob! My butt cheeks clenched so tight, you coulda bounced a quarter off 'em! "I have another year!" I wailed. She assured me that I'd be so high, I wouldn't care much. Plus, it's just one incident of indignity, instead of two.

I made her promise to avoid sending me to my former boyfriend, the Gastroenterologist. I can just picture the scenerio. "Yes, I remember all those hot nights we spent making love... Now, take a deep breath while I shove this thing up your butt"

January 15, 2004