There is a moderate sized group of Samoan people who work at my company. Until I came to work here, my experience with all things Samoan had been somewhat limited. Because of my association with these new Samoan friends, I have made certain life-altering plans...

I will be spending my golden years in beautiful American Samoa. There are valid reasons for this. For example, in Samoa, American money is worth approximately three times what it is worth here - and yet, somehow Samoa is still a part of America... Also, in Samoa, the more a woman eats - the more weight she packs on - the more beautiful she is considered to be - and the more revered by the menfolk... Oh, I plan to become their Queen!

I have already informed my co-working Samoan friends of my plans. They are already referring to me as "Queenie".. From time to time, when I need a little emotional pick me up - I picture myself in Samoa. Dressed in a large, flowing muuu-muu, flower behind my ear - while being paddled around in a canoe by a fabulous man-toy, who looks suspiciously like The Rock...

The reason I bring this up today, is last night, as we were leaving work, the husband of one of the Samoan ladies drove up to the office, and proceeded to pull another of our Samoan friends from the cab of his pick up truck and beat the crap out of him on the front lawn! We were trapped in the parking lot by this spectacle and were forced to watch the whole thing. Not only were the two men going at it, but the attackee's daughter jumped into the fray - plus, the wife of the attacker jumped on the pile as well! It was awesome!

The fight went on for a few minutes and then everyone got into their respective cars and drove home. This stuff happens all the time with my Samoan friends. They're beating the crap out of each other one day, and the next day they're having lunch together.

I'm looking forward to my retirement...

August 13, 2002

Buh Bye!
October 05, 2008

Be Afraid, People.... Really Afraid
September 01, 2008

One Last Bitchfest for the Road
August 24, 2008

Get the Popcorn Ready
July 17, 2008

I'm a Rich Ho-Bag
June 20, 2008

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