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Although I'm going to wear that monitor thingy to check my own dear heart's activities, I'm certain the reason it has been doing the old stop/start is stress, plain and simple.

See, I have so few coping skills. I joke around and act like everything is okay, but, apparently, my body knows otherwise.

This whole episode began almost 5 years ago. One of my bosses had major surgery, and left me and my other boss to manage the whole department (something we were unprepared for, as she did almost everything, and we were just a couple of knuckleheads). My heart would skip beats and pound in my chest then. I asked my doctor about it, and she told me that if it continued like that, we would do the monitor - but, things quieted down, and I forgot about it. After that, when my mom started acting like a whack job, and got herself fired, and evicted from her apartment, and started making noises like she wanted to move in with us, the weird beats came back - and continued on, through my own apartment woes. My doctor (a new one) put me on the wonderful beta blocker medication I still take, and my heart settled down.

Well, lately - post September 11th, with all the additional crap that is going on in my life - ie. mom talking about moving again, ex-husband working for certain aerospace company, my own company taking a financial dump, anthrax everywhere I turn, etc. - the weird beat skipping has returned once again...

I can't change the world around me. Stuff is going to happen. But, I cannot allow things affect me physically. That's just dumb.

Therefore, I have made a decision to devote one hour each and every night - to the emotional and spiritual nurturing of - ME. I will use this hour in any fashion I see fit. I will absolutely walk every night during this hour, to facilitate weight-loss, cardio health, and to increase the endorphin levels in my brain, I will walk, even when it's cold and dark. I will paint my toenails and moisturize my face so that I feel pretty. I will read at least two pages of a book each night for entertainment and relaxation. I will floss for optimum oral hygiene. I will breathe, meditate and pray. I am worth this effort.

SLAY ON BUFFY!!

October 30, 2001

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August 24, 2008

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June 20, 2008