This is the ultimate humiliation story... Get some popcorn.

The kidlet and I were shopping over at the local Big Lots ('cause they have the coolest crap ever!) to find my mother a lovely yet inexpensive shower curtain for her new apartment. After we found one (a feminine lace number with dashes of rose and green) - I glanced to my right, and I noticed a rack of women's shorts. Fat lady shorts!!! I decided that this summer, I would indulge - nay, embrace my fatness. I vowed that this summer, I'd waddle about the malls and byways in loose, flowing shorts that were comfortable and cool - no matter how my mind screamed out for me to stop. I would swelter no more in jeans or other confining garb during those dog days. Yes. I'd found my fat lady shorts. I clutched two noxiously patterned pair to my bosom...

Kidlet and I went to the checkout area with our shower curtain and my fat lady shorts. I felt a tapping on my shoulder and turned around to see none other than the presently very famous physician (he goes to war torn areas to make peace and has his own television show on the international station) whom I used to Fuck!!!!!!

He's in the Big Lots buying what looked to be patio table umbrellas. I'm there, piling my fat lady shorts on the counter... Imagine my bliss!

After 27 or so years - the guy I had a menage a whatever with - He and the bacteriologist from my lab. The guy whom I used to make out with in the medical records department... Whose famous little willy I used to slurp with great abandon, sees me again. And I'm buying fat lady shorts from freakin' Big Lots.

Ugh!

June 03, 2003